“The past lingers on, etched beneath our skin…”
- Book: Sugar And Snails
- Location: The North East (England)
- Author: Anne Goodwin
Oh My Goodness! I had no idea what to expect from this story and having closed the final page I can’t believe what a moving experience and a complete roller-coaster of a ride I have just experienced. My tears were many and genuine, although I am convinced that Di wouldn’t have appreciated or wanted my sympathy, or my virtual hugs; just my understanding and acceptance.
It is going to be so difficult to write a meaningful review which will fully do justice to this powerful story, especially without giving away too many spoilers – But then, consider that Di has lived most of her life trying not to give away too many spoilers, and my own small challenge pales into insignificance compared to hers.
I am also still reeling after spending almost half of this book assuming one thing about Di’s story, when in fact I had turned things completely on their head, and the reality of the situation was the complete antithesis to what I had thought. Am I that ‘green’ or naive that I missed so many clues, which on careful retrospection were there in abundance, or was I simply conditioned to expect one outcome and couldn’t imagine or embrace the notion, that the actuality of the situation could be any different?
Notwithstanding that Di is a now a forty-five-year-old woman, this is something of a mid-life coming of age story. Having reached a decision in her teenage years which, in her own mind, she is still certain was the right one for her, she has nonetheless spent the intervening thirty years in a state of emotional flux, feeling the need to ‘play life safe’ and thus denying herself the true happiness her childhood decision was supposed to bring. She has spent so much time being certain of what she is not, yet frightened to stake a claim to the person she really is and the life she knows she wants; that it is only now, when she has something and someone worth fighting for, that she is forced to examine her motives, embrace who she is, be happy in her own skin, and finally to be ready and wanting to move on with her life. If only it all isn’t too little and too late!
For a while, I was a little nonplussed that the storyline weaves rather erratically back and forth between the 1960s and 1970s, when Di was growing up, and the 2000s, which is where she finds herself now. However I was essentially following Di’s journey, as seen through her own eyes, so it was no real surprise that in the vulnerable turmoil of a mind trying to rationalise and finally lay the past to rest behind her, that her thoughts would be erratic and a little muddled, I know mine would be.
From a visit which Di makes to her parents right towards the end of this chapter in her ongoing story of self-discovery, it is obvious that she has and probably can never, truly forgive them for certain aspects of the way she was treated as a child growing up. Not having been in Di’s mind space at that time, it possibly isn’t for me to comment about. However, being of almost the same age and coming from a similar working class background as Di, I actually think that her parents were quite progressive in their handling of events, as I just know that my own family would have taken a much different and more harsh approach to the situation, if I had been her. At one point Di observes that her parents seemed to listen to everyone except her, trying to make their own circumstances fit that of other people they know, almost as if the situation was happening to someone else. Again, I actually think this would have been a pretty standard response from most parents, given the social mores of the times, when prejudice and bigotry against minority groups, was still alive and thriving, many so called ‘deviances’ were still actually illegal, and being seen by your peers to be the textbook family of domestic bliss and stability was everything, with the label of ‘not being normal’, being an unendurable stigma.
Author Anne Goodwin, has donned her ‘work hat’, as a clinical psychologist, to write this wonderfully perceptive and fluent, sensitively nuanced and disturbingly bold story, about one woman’s search for cultural identity and social justice. It is multi-layered, well structured, highly textured and visually descriptive to the point where little is left to the imagination. Di’s story is totally compelling, immersive and often claustrophobic, such is the fragile state of her mind, and I didn’t really want to get pulled into it as deeply as I did, but once I entered her life, escaping without knowing an outcome, was never going to be an option. Although (again a little vague I’m afraid for fear of spoilers), I was a tad disappointed with the ending, as I really needed to know if there was going to be that ‘happy ever after’ moment for her and if not, would she regress and consider all her reserves of inner strength to have been depleted in vain, or was this leap into the unknown always going to be the catalyst for a new and exciting future, as it should have been all those years ago?
Anne has created quite a large and sprawling, multi-faceted cast of diverse characters, who with the exception of Di herself, are neither well defined, have any genuine depth of character, nor are easy to connect or identify with. They were a complex jigsaw of human emotions, often manipulative and duplicitous, making them completely unreliable and volatile, at a time when a desperately vulnerable Di, most needed their strength and stability to help her see things clearly, although she ultimately felt unable to confide in any of them, even Venus, who has been a huge part of her life for as long as either of them can remember. Di herself, has been empowered with a strong voice with which to guide this storyline, manoeuvring it in the direction of her own choosing and taking with her only those who mean the most to her.
Everything about this lovingly written book makes reading it a ‘must’ and the right thing to do. I am really interested to know just how Anne came up with the excellent title “Sugar And Snails”. Start reading and within a few minutes that evocative cover art makes perfect sense. And if you ever needed to lay a soundtrack from the times, over the early years of Di’s life, I guess that David Bowie’s ‘Rebel, Rebel’ would be the obvious choice and the one I can hear playing away in my head as I write.
What typically makes reading such a wonderful experience for me, is that with each and every new book, I am taken on a unique and individual journey, by authors who fire my imagination and stimulate my senses. This story was definitely one of a kind, so I can only recommend that you read it for yourself and see where your journey leads you!
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